


Medieval Times

by Bookworm4567



Series: Broken [4]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series), Helluva Boss (Web Series)
Genre: Angel being Angel, Blitzo being Blitzo, Gen, Moxxie and Millie being cute AF, Shenanigans, Swearing, bit of Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21751750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bookworm4567/pseuds/Bookworm4567
Summary: Since the business slump, morale has been low at IMP. Fortunately, Blitzo's ban from Medieval Times has just been lifted and what a better time to take out his family? Meanwhile, Angel takes Vaggie out to get her to stop moping about the Hotel and runs into an old friend. What could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Moxxie/Millie (lowkey)
Series: Broken [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1561432
Comments: 7
Kudos: 73





	Medieval Times

**Author's Note:**

> So, I read online that Angel and Blitzo get kicked out of a place called Medieval Times a lot, and I couldn't help but think to myself "Ive gotta do something with this!"  
> Its another long one so bear with me. Other than that, Enjoy!

"Ugh..."

Blitzo thunked his head on the desk and sent the many piles of paperwork fluttering to the ground. And when he said 'Paperwork', he meant stacks and fucking STACKS of bills. Rent bills, power bills, heating bills, weapon rental bills. Bills, bills, bills, all with pretty much the same message:

**Dear Mr Blitzo, your payment is now overdue.**

**Dear Mr Blitzo, if you do not pay the required amount your account will be cancelled.**

**Dear Mr Blitzo, GIVE US OUR MONEY OR WE'LL BREAK YOUR FUCKING LEGS!**

Ugh, he hated slumps. Things at the Immediate Murder Professionals had been slow for about a month now, and it wasnt just his bank account that was paying the price. Outside, he could hear his work family arguing.

"Loona, that's MY chicken noodle soup!"

"Fuck off, Moxxie, I got a hangover!"

"Then stop drinking before you come to work, idiot!"

There was a crash as a fight broke out and he heard a battle cry as Millie inevitably joined the fray. Blitzo sighed, leaning back in his chair and pressing his hands into his eyes. His poor workers, they were feeling the strain, too. But what could he do? There was barely enough money to pay this months salaries!

...Maybe another visit to Stolas was in order.

Wait, NO! Absaloutely fucking not! He was sure there was a way to fix things without getting his dick bitten off! He just had to...had to think of something...

_Ping!_

Just then, his phone buzzed with a text message. Blitzo groaned, God, if it was another booty-call from Stolas he was gonna kill himself! He picked up the phone warily, fearing the worst.

However, it seemed that luck was on his side because when he looked at the screen he saw not the princes creepy bird mouth, but an unrecognised number. Oh fuck, it better not be from his fucking loan shark! 

Blitzo swiped his thumb across the screen, opening the message:

**Dear Mr Blitzo, we are informing you that your two year ban from Medieval Times Restaurant and Bar has been herby lifted. It will remain as such so long as you don't set anyone on fucking fire this time!**

Blitzos yellow eyes lit up like the Extermination Day fireworks. Holy Hell, this was it! 

Paperwork scattered like snow as he sprinted out of his office and into the kitchen. Loona, Moxxie and Millie were still in there, tangled together in a violent mash-up of snarling, swearing, punching and Millie trying to shove a jagged spike up Loonas ass. Blitzo smiled.

"Hey guys, guess what~? Your awesome and incredibly smart boss just came up with a solution that's gonna fix all our problems!"

"IT WAS MY GOODAMN CHICKEN NOODLE YOU SELFISH-Wait, what?" Moxxie looked over as he tried to strangle Loona.

"Did you fuck Stolas again?" Loona drawled, clawing behind herself to get Millie-literally-off of her back. Blitzo face fell.

"No..." he said through gritted teeth "I thought of something even better! Something that's gonna shove some much needed morale right up our-MILLIE, STOP TRYING TO STAB LOONA IN THE ASS!"

Millie growled, but complied. Well, thank fuck _one_ of his workers listened to him! "Anyway...I just had a great idea that's finally gonna dig us out of this little slump we've had lately!" he declared, spreading his hands like a professional showman.

Slowly, his employees disentangled themselves from each other and dusted themselves off. Moxxie put his hands on his hips, eyeing his animated boss sceptically.

"So what's the idea? You get us another job?"

Blitzos eyes sparkled "Nope!"

"Did you take out another loan?"

"No!"

"We're not doing another t.v ad are we?"

"We are not!"

"...Sir, did you sleep with Stolas again?"

"For the last time, no!"

"Why don't you just tell us, Blitzo?" Millie jumped in quickly, patting down her hair. Blitzo beamed. This was such a good idea, they were gonna love it!

"We are going...out for dinner at a fancy restaurant!" he declared, spreading out his arms and smiling like a lunatic.

There was silence amongst the group. He could even hear a cricket chirping. Slightly desperate, he did jazz hands "Yaaaay..."

Moxxie, who had been pinching his nose in exasperation, gestured aggreivedly at his boss "Are you kidding me, Sir? Our funds are completely in the red as it is, and you wanna spend _more_ money?!"

Blitzo dropped his hands and pouted "Well, excuse me for wanting to do something nice for my family!"

Moxxie groaned. Loudly, his hands covering his face, and Millie rested one of her own on his shoulder.

"Don't be like that, Mox, its a nice idea!"

"Thankyou, Millie!" Blitzo beamed. Millie turned to him and smiled.

"So, when are we going?"

Moxxie hands dropped "Wait, what?"

"Tonight!" Blitzo said "My ban from Medieval Times just got lifted, and this is the perfect way to celebrate!"

"Wait, we're actually GOING? We can't afford that, Sir! You cannot spend our salaries again!" Moxxie barked, pointing damningly. Blitzo made a dismissive noise and waved him off.

"Oh, Moxxie, Moxxie, Moxxie, leave all the details to me, I've got a plan!"

Moxxie crossed his arms over his chest "So you're not spending our salaries again?"

"I'm not spending your salaries again" he was totally spending their salaries again.

Moxxie huffed, still uncertain. Then his wife took his hand and gave him the puppy eyes "C'mon, Moxxie, we havent had a date night in forever. Dinner at a restaurant could be fun!"

Moxxie sighed. Dammit, he wanted to argue...but those darn puppy eyes...

He threw up his hands "Argh! FINE!"

"Great, the wet blankets on board!" Blitzo cheered, ignoring Moxxies insulted squawk in favor of his adopted daughter. Loona was already tapping away at her phone again "What about you, Loonie? You wanna come hang out with the family?"

Loona didn't even look up "Hard pass"

"There's an open bar"

"O.k, I'm in"

"Wonderful!" Blitzo exclaimed, clapping his hands joyfully "Now, the bus leaves in two hours so everyone get your shit together before then. Later!"

As he left the kitchen Blitzo couldn't stop an almost magical smile spreading across his face. A nice family dinner to distract them from the companies monetary woes. Damn, he was a good boss! This was gonna be GREAT!

*

Things were not going well at the Hazbin Hotel.

Well, OK, on the _surface_ things were actually going pretty great. In the two and a half months since the place opened, business was booming. It wasn't like demons were pounding down the door, but the rehabilitation hotels population had increased considerably so that almost a third of the rooms were occupied, and some of those by demons who even bought into the whole rehabilitation bullshit. Alastors assistance had proved worth Charlie making the unofficial deal with him, and his funding combined with her inheritance had turned out to be invaluable (especially since a lot of the patients had rather hellish tempers and were not above breaking shit when they got pissed off)

According to Charlie, there were even a handful of demons she 'Just _knew!'_ would be fully rehabilitated by the end of the year. Nobody had had the heart to tell her that Crymini was sneaking off to her dealer every other day and Baxter was still trying to lure other patients into his lab for his experiments.

So yeah, on the surface, things at Hazbin Hotel couldn't be better. Beneath the surface, however...

It had been two weeks since Vaggie had officially broken up with Charlie for good, and though both girls tried to maintain some professionalism and keep the hotel running, anyone with eyes could see just how much of an emotional toll it was taking.

Charlie, outside of therapy appointments and meetings, had barely spoken to anyone in weeks, her bubbly and sweet personality overshadowed by a gloom that she tried so desperately to hide. She had taken to avoiding Alastor whenever possible, and usually ended up in her lonely room all night, making calls to possible patrons and investors and soldiering through paperwork.

But she was doing a lot better than Vaggie. Oh yeah, she was around when needed and spoke when she was spoken too. She attended the meetings, went through the books and all that crap. She had always been the 'Moody One' of the dream team, but now she had become so hostile now that no one dared speak to her for fear of getting their head bitten off or-much more likely-a spear rammed through their face.

And then there were the nights, when her shift was over. Like Charlie, she locked herself away from everyone in a room she had specifically chosen because it was the furthest away from her ex-girlfriends. But she sure as Hell wasn't doing any paperwork.

Vaggie laid on her bed, Razzle and Dazzle nestled into the sides of her grubby pajamas with a box of tissues in one hand and a pint of chocolate ice cream in the other, her bedroom completely dark except for the sterile glow of the flat screen t.v on the wall which was showing-of all things-Titanic. Vaggie watched the movie with dead eyes, ice cream around her mouth, and every single damn time a romantic scene came on she would either whine, sob, or yell swear words in Spanish. Overall, the whole thing was very sad and pathetic.

Which begged the question: Why the fuck was Angel Dust in here?! 

_"Enough is enough, Angel"_ Alastor had stated just twenty minutes ago when he'd cornered him at the bar _"_ _Our r_ _esident drama queen has begun to bring down the mood of everyone in this hotel and it is not constructive towards nonsense dreams of redemption OR my goals of entertainment! You must go and fix it!"_

_"What? Why me?!"_

_"Because if memory serves, my dear arachnid, you are the only one who was able to..._ cheer her up, _the last time she was unhappy. And if you refuse, rest assured **you will not enjoy the consequences!"**_

Fuckin' Alastor. That's the son of a bitch who should be up here right now, not him! The whole breakup had been all his fuckin' fault anyway!

On the bed, Vaggie whined as the demons playing Jack and Rose did the whole "I'm flying!" bullshit, cuddling the goats closer and rubbing her miserable face into Razzle's fur. Inwardly, Angel groaned. _Fucking Christ..._

"Vaggie..." fuck it, might as well bite the bullet "what the fuck are you doin'?"

Vaggie took another spoonful of ice cream over Razzle's head, the dessert spilling onto her dark blue pjs but she didn't seem to care "'M watchin' a movie. Go away"

Fuck, did he want to! Vaggie was a pathetic sight and the room smelled weird and this whole thing was fuckin' weird! Dammit, he was a crazy-popular porn star, not a goddamn therapist! But Alastor was gonna fry his ass if he didn't do something about this...fuck. 

Angel crossed his four arms over his chest and waist "Listen, toots, you've been holed up in this place for two fuckin' weeks and ya look like a twenty year old Ms Haversham! Get out! Go do something besides moping!"

Vaggie barely moved, except to get more ice cream. Some of it dripped down her chin and Razzle licked it off "I don't care what I look like. Who do I have to impress right now?"

Angel groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. Why were the monogamous so damn difficult? "Listen, its not just how ya look, the guests have been complaining about ya. More specifically from some of the demons who you threatened to turn into kebabs!"

"I don't care" Vaggie glared at the t.v. a winged Jack was kissing a three eyed Rose on the deck, right before the iceberg hit.

"Well, what you care about is irrelevant, toots! Ya gotta perk up or else people are gonna start leaving" _plus,_ my _ass is gonna get turned into a fuckin' kebab if you don't!_

Finally, Vaggie turned away from the goddamn TV to glare at him "Perk up? Excuse me, have YOU ever been cheated on, before?"

"Yeah. Once. But I dealt with it and moved on" granted he'd 'dealt with it' by planting two kilos of p.c.p in his apartment and calling the cops but hey, if he didn't wanna get five years in prison then he shouldn't have fucked that asshole bartender!

Vaggie rolled her eye and went back to her movie. The Titanic was finally sinking and Jack and Rose were going under "Yeah, well, its not that easy for me" she mumbled, petting Dazzle as the goat, sensing her sadness, nuzzled her knee.

Angel made an aggreived noise. Jesus, she was hard work! "That's probably because you _never leave this hotel anymore!_ Seriously, when was the last time you went outside?!"

"You should know, you were there"

"Gah!" Goddammit! He was starting to think this was going to be impossible!

 _"Oh Dios mío_ , _APARTASE_! MOVE OVER, YOU SELFISH BITCH! IF YOU TRULY LOVED HIM YOU'D SAVE HIM NO MATTER WHAT! _Jodidamente increíble, esa puta egoísta!"_

Vaggie threw her spoon at the t.v and Angel was starting to get a migraine. Jesus Christ, what now?!

It was at that moment that his hellphone pinged. Grateful for the distraction Angel dove for it, pulling it out of his pocket to see that he'd been texted by an unknown number. Oh fuck, did Val give his number to one of his johns again?

Fortunately, however, when he opened the message he saw that it was something much more tame:

**Dear Mr Angel Dust, we are informing you that your two year ban from Medieval Times Restaurant and Bar has been hearby lifted. It will remain as such so long as you don't set anyone on fucking fire this time!**

And just like that, Angels problem-solver was delivered. His brain pinged with an idea and he stuffed his phone back into his pocket, turning back to Vaggie who, he saw, had pulled both sympathetic goats up to her chest, their noses nuzzling her affectionately while she snot cried as 'Jack' sank under the water like the typical cliche tragic hero. 

Fuckin' Christ, he had to do something about this. It just wasn't normal to cry this hard over a self sacrificing dumbass. He walked over to the t.v and turned it off.

Vaggie shot up, knocking off Razzle and Dazzle with startled bleats "What the fuck?!"

"Get dressed, bitch, we're going out" Angel ordered, and Vaggie glared at him.

"No. I don't _want to!"_ she threw herself back on the bed and stuffed her face into her stack of pillows. Angels eyes narrowed. 

"Aww, that's cute how you think you have a choice!"

*

As the day began to end, hotel patrons began to descend on the bar like bees on a honeycomb and Husk was rushed off of his feet. Charlie had gone out a couple of hours ago-something about visiting her parents, he didn't know, he'd been hitting the bottle since nine-and the guests were joyously taking advantage. The hotel lobby was filled with the sounds of laughter, arguments, and cheering as a wasted Crymini whipped off her shirt and began to perform a drunken strip-tease.

God, it was annoying. Husk swore if it got any louder down here he was stealing a bottle of Jack and hiding under the bar for the rest of the night. And it seemed that the night was very much in favor of those plans due to what happened next:

"OUTTA THE WAY, PEOPLE, ANGRY MOTH COMIN' THROUGH!"

"FUCKING DAMMIT, ANGEL, PUT ME DOWN I DONT WANNA GO!"

Cat-like eyes blinked as Angel came barrelling through the crowd, two arms mercilessly shoving people out of his way and two more pinning a struggling and cursing Vaggie over his shoulder. Husk blinked. What the fuck...?

"MOVE IT, _MOVE IT!"_

" _ARAÑA HIJO DE UNA PERRA_! IM NOT FUCKING GOING!"

"OW!" Angel cried out as he was kicked in the next " _Cagna pazza di falena_! YOU'RE GETTIN' OUTTA HERE WHETHER YA LIKE IT OR NOT, BITCH, NOW SHUT-UP!"

"NOOOOOOO!" Vaggie wailed as she was carried through the lobby and out the door, her cries echoing in the outside world.

Husk stared after them for a minute, cats eyes blnking slowly. Well, that sure was one way to do it...

"Hey, Huskieeeeee can I get another Jaaaaaack?" Crymini called, now down to her bra and panties. 

Husk rolled his eyes "You've had enough, kid!"

"Awwww!" the wolf demon pouted. And then she took off her bra.

Husk groaned, slapping a palm against his face. Fuckin' dammit...

He then grabbed the baseball bat he kept behind the bar and stepped out to knock off the drunk morons grabby admirers. They did not go quietly.

Jesus, he thought as he caught Baxter in the stomach with the handle, he hoped Vaggie would have a better night than THIS, at least!

*

Moxxie was going to kill someone. Probably Blitzo. Because going out to dinner? _Seriously?!_ He thought _that_ was going to fix the companies problems?! IMP was practically bankrupt and here he was dragging them off to some dive like...like...ARGH, he couldn't even think of the words! 

And to make matters worse, he was doing the dragging on a damn _bus._ They couldve just taken his car but noooo, Blitzo wanted to take the stinky, noisy, claustrophobic metal nightmare because-and he was quoting here-"Family trips were always better when shared with complete strangers!"

Moxxie had no idea where he'd gotten that logic. Probably a side effect from where he got dropped on his head as a baby. Dammit, if he didn't love his wife so much he wouldve just faked a bug and stayed home!

As it was he was here, crammed into the window seat with Millie on one side of him and Loona on the other, not caring that he constant phone tapping was causing her elbows to dig uncomfortably into his sides. His boss, of course, was happy as a clam, positively bursting with excitement and talking animatedly with some slutty cyclops girl he'd literally JUST MET. Moxxie dug his claws into his pants, trying not to scream out of sheer irritation.

A gentle hand touched his knee, and he lifted his head to see Millie looking at him with concern "You alright, sweetie?"

Just for her, Moxxie put on a strained smile "Yeah, I'm fine, honey"

"You sure?" she asked, sweetly stroking his leg "You seem tense."

Moxxie sighed, rubbing his hands over his face and Millie gave his leg an affectionate squeeze.

"Come on, Mox, I know this probably isn't the most _financially_ beneficial solution to the slump, but that doesn't mean its not a good idea!"

"Yeah? How'd you figure that?" Moxxie mumbled through his hands. He heard his wife draw closer and then her gentle, work calloused hands were on his wrists and she sweetly pulled his hands away to bring his face out into the light. There was an impish smile on her face.

"Well, for one thing it might do you some good to _relax,_ Mox!"

"I am relaxed!" Moxxie protested. The company was about to go under and they probably weren't gonna make rent! What wasn't there to be relaxed about?!

"Moxxie..." Mille crooned sweetly, shifting closer so that she could wrap her arms around his head and pull him down onto her shoulder, stroking his horns soothingly "You need to stop worryin' so much..."

Moxxie sighed. If only it were that easy...

"Ew. What're you guys reenacting a porno or something? Get a room!"

"SHUT-UP, LOONA!"

"BITE ME, MOXXIE!"

*

"Jesus, Angel, you have done a LOT of stupid things in the short time I've known you, but actually going out of your way to kidnap me, that one _really_ takes the fucking cake!"

"Oh my God, would you stop being a bitch for like five seconds?!" Angel snapped.

Vaggie, firmly strapped into cab seat next to him with a seat belt and several artfully tied bunjee chords, glared at him "When we get out of this car, I'm going to _kill you_!"

 _Promise?_ Angel stopped himself from saying. Instead he went back to his texts, because seriously even Alastor could fuck off if he thought that he was gonna put up with Vaggies whiny bullshit alone for the next few hours!

 _Angel:_ **Hey Sugar Tits, wanna hit up Medieval Times, on me? Those idiots are actually letting me back in and I wanna make em regret it! Also, Alastors making me babysit Vaggie and I could use the backup.**

Ten minutes later, when Vaggie had lasped into Spanish threats, his phone buzzed:

 _Cherri Bomb:_ **Sorry Angie, no can do! I got a hot date ;) have fun with the psycho! X**

FUCK! Angel shoved his phone back into his pocket and groaned. Looks like it was just him and Vags...yaay...

Hold on. Unless...oh fuck yes, that was a GREAT idea! He pulled out his phone again and texted at breakneck speed:

 _Angel:_ **Hey baby, sorry for the late message but I need your help. I got a chick here who just got dumped and I'm taking her out so she won't be such a bitch, think you can come along and provide a feminine touch?**

He didn't even have to wait five minutes before he got an answer:

 _Molly:_ **Oh, poor thing :( also, depends where you're headed. If its another strip club IM NOT GOING!**

Angel rolled his eyes as he texted her back:

 _Angel:_ **ONE TIME THAT HAPPENED! And were going to Medieval Times ya fuckin' princess.**

 _Molly:_ **OHMIGOD I love their food, hell YEAH I'm coming! See ya there, babe! xoxo <3**

Angel breathed out a sigh of relief. Oh, thank fuck!

"What're you smiling about, asshole?" Vaggie snarled. Angel leaned back in his seat and placed his two upper hands behind his head, making sure to knock Vaggie with his elbow as he did.

"Friend of mine just got back to me. They're coming along with us"

"What? A friend? _Who?"_

Angel smiled, and Vaggie was shocked into silence by the fondness in the expression. Then he turned to her and it changed back into the typical shit eating grin she knew so well.

"Eh, I think I'll keep it as a surprise" he said "Don't worry, baby. You'll _love_ her!"

Vaggie groaned, smacking her head against the back of the car seat "Oh no..."

*

"Check it out, Moxxie, best seats in the house! Did I do good, or _what?!"_

"...Sir, they're the seats that are next to the kitchen, I doubt that makes them the best"

Blitzo made a dismissive noise and waved him off "Oh, sure it does! For once I am not sitting right next to the garbage and our foods gonna be hot as shit when it gets here because the kitchen is right _there!_ "

"Once Loona puts down her phone and actually _orders!"_ Moxxie barked, glaring at the hellhound who was waving her phone around like a lighter at a concert "Would you come on, already?!"

"Fuck you, I'm trying to get WiFi! GodDAMMIT, this place is a fucking nightmare!"

"Hey, it is not!" Millie cried, which drew an incredulous stare from her husband and a happy smile from her boss "Look at all the little waitresses in their old timey costumes! Its so _cute_!"

And it admittedly it was. Medieval Times was one of the few themed restaurants in Pentagram City that actually took itself seriously, most likely because the owner was actually _from_ Medieval times, or so the rumors told. Torches glowed and intricate tapestries hung from walls that were carved out of stone, with impressive imitation armor-swords and all-lining them. The tables were wide, brown circles where you got served with silver plates (imitation, obviously, this wasn't the fucking Ritz) and drank from gold, silver or bronze goblets (again, imitation)

The staff were expected to keep up with the theme, too. As far as any of them could tell, all of the serving staff were young females, and all of them were dressed in dark grey Medieval serving gowns with long loose sleeves and held together with a loosely tied black bodice. The top buttons on those dresses were pretty loose, too, the gang came to realise once their own waitress came to take their order the first time. Moxxie had been the only one to blush.

Meanwhile, Blitzo looked like he could have kissed Millie, but instead gave Moxxie a pitying look "See that, Mox? Now why can't you be more like your wife, huh? She enjoys everything!"

"Except her wedding night..." Loona sniggered.

Moxxie looked at Blitzo, insulted "I enjoy stuff! I like concerts, music, the theatre-um, Sir, what are you doing?"

Suddenly, Blitzos eyes had blown wide. He rose out from his chair at the head of the table, and was staring avidly at something emerging from the restaurant lobby "Fuck me fuckin' sideways, is that who I think it is?!"

Moxxie, Millie, and even Loona turned around curiously to see who he was talking about, and when their eyes landed on the tall, voluptuous party, their reactions were pretty much as you would expect:

"Oh no..."

"Oh my gosh!"

"Holy. Shit!"

"It is! Its my old buddy, Angel Dust!" Blitzo laughed, and before anyone could stop him he was standing on his chair and waving his arms around.

"ANGEL! HEY ANGEL! HEY, ITS ME! ITS YOUR OLD BUDDY, BLITZO! COME ON OVER HERE YA FUCKIN' SLUT!"

*

The cab finally came to a stop outside of a building that was built to look like a medieval times castle, and Vaggie had to admire their attention to detail. The red and gold banners with a silver kraken in the centre really were something out of Medieval times, and those severed head on pikes looked really authentic.

A cold gust of air ripped right through her and Vaggie shivered, rubbing her arms through her gloves and shooting Angel a glare. The son of a bitch could've at least let her grab her jacket!

"Did you bring me out here just so I could freeze to death?" she snapped, and Angel briefly looked up from his phone.

"We're waitin' on Molly, she said she might be a minute"

"Ugh" Vaggie pulled her arms closer around her, shivering "Who the hell is Molly, anyway? Please tell me she's not one of your friends from The Studio!" immediately, her mind conjured an image of someone like Cherri, only more slutty and rude. Fuck, this was going to be a long night!

Then Angel hissed "No, she's not! And you better not nasty to her when she gets here or I'll kick your tiny bitch ass, ya got it?!"

Vaggie glared at him, but was also a little surprised at the vehemence with which he spoke. Angel was never like that with his friends, not even Cherri "You're defensive! Just who is this girl, anyway?"

The arachnid pocketed his phone, placing his hands on the low wall upon which he was currently perched and fixing his mismatched eyes on her "She's my twin sister"

Vaggies eye went wide. His WHAT?! "You have a-?!"

"AAAAAAAAAANNNNGGGIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!"

At the sound of the feminine, high pitched voice, Angels face lit up like a Christmas tree and both demons turned to the end of the road where a tall figure was running towards them on high heeled boots. She was tall, like Angel, a spider hybrid, like Angel, but the first thought that came to Vaggies mind when she saw Angel Dusts twin sister was: _Pink._

There was a hell of a lot of it on this girl. She was dressed up in a pink and white striped shirt (that BARELY contained her vulminous chest fluff. Seriously, it was bigger than Angels) that was covered by a black suit jacket that went down to her modest pink skirt. The shoulders were heavily padded and long black sleeves reached her waving upper hands, her lower ones covered by candy striped pink and white gloves. As she ran her masses of long cotton-candy curls bounced behind her, strands of it falling out from behind her black headband and into her large animesque eyes. Like Angel, she had two sets of three smaller, pinker ones dotting her face like freckles and wide, toothy smile blazed across her face.

 _Oh my God, she's like a female version of Angel!_ Vaggeies heart sank. Why couldn't she have just stayed in bed with her goats and her movies?

Meanwhile, a wide smile threatened to split Angels face in half as he rose from the wall and ran on his kinky boots to meet his sister and hugged her so hard that he lifted her off of her feet, much to her giggly delight.

" _Piccola!_ Fuck, its good to see you!" he kissed her warmly on the cheek and set her down, Molly's upper hands still on his shoulders.

"Oh, its good to see ya too, darlin' I _missed you!"_ she brought him in for another bone crushing hug and Vaggie honestly didn't think she'd ever seen Angel so happy before "How ya been, honey? Staying out of trouble?"

"HA! Absaloutely fuckin' not. C'mon, there's someone I want you to meet"

The two spiders walked towards her and Vaggie immediately went on her guard. Sure, Molly seemed harmless but this was Hell, she had to be here for a reason. And she was Angels sister-his _twin!-_ so who knew what she was really like? 

But when Angel brought Molly over the demoness smiled kindly at Vaggie, and extended a polite hand "Hi sweetie, I'm Molly!"

Eyeing the hand for a second, Vaggie slowly extended hers and took it. Molly's grip was firm but gentle, and not threatening in the least "...Vaggie"

"Oh, I know! Angie's told me sooo much about you! You work at that hotel, right? The one that gets sinners into Heaven?"

Vaggie didn't know which surprised her more; the fact that Angel talked about her outside of insults, or that she talked about the hotels mission with literally no scorn or sarcasm. At all. This was fucking weird.

"Um...yeah" she glanced at Angel, and the bastad looked so fucking smug she wanted to smack him.

"OhmiGod, that is _so_ sweet!" Molly squealed, letting go of Vaggie and pressing her hands together "And hey, I don't care what anybody else says, the Rainbow song kicked _ass!_ It was too bad your interview got ruined by _someone!"_ she shot her brother a significantly scathing look, and he actually had the nerve to look insulted.

"Hey! Who was the one who got into a fight with Killjoy and set Trench on fire?!"

Molly rolled her eyes "So, when do we get to go inside? Its fuckin' freezing out here!"

Angel led the way and Vaggie tried to force the tightness in her chest to ease. God, was that what hearing about Charlie would do to her now? Would it always hurt this much? 

She looked up at the jagged calligraphy of the restaurants sign and sighed. This was such a bad idea. Goddamn Angel.

*

So, it turned out that the name Angel Dust got you a lot of pull in certain places. The mosquito demon at the front desk got so flustered by the porn stars appearance that he could barely string a sentence together as he lead the group past the other waiting customers, babbling incessently about how he'd seen all of Angels movies as he led them towards one of the best, most lavishly decorated tables in the restaurant, corded off from the other, drabber ones and bore real silverware.

Unfortunately they never got there because of an excited shriek right that came from a smaller table right next to the kitchens.

"ANGEL! HEY ANGEL! HEY, ITS ME! ITS YOUR OLD BUDDY, BLITZO! COME ON OVER HERE YOU FUCKIN' SLUT!"

Angels eyes widened and he laughed out loud when he saw a black-clad imp with a white patch on his face standing on his chair and waving his arms.

"Come up with some better insults, ya red imp fucker! C'mon" he said to the girls "We're goin' over there!"

"What? Why?" Vaggie asked, but Angel was already on his way over. 

"Blitzos an old friend" Molly explained helpfully "They used to come here sometimes before Angie got banned"

"Oh yeah?" Vaggie said skeptically "What kinda friend?" because she'd seen Angel around guys before and knew that when he said 'Friend', he usually meant 'Ex client/fuck buddy'

Molly shrugged "I don't know, exactly, but I _think_ that he's the one who set the waitress on fire the last time they were here"

Oh, _wonderful!_

As they made their way over to the table they saw that "Blitzo" wasn't alone. With him were two other imps-a guy in a fancy black tailcoat and bow tie with white hair and a girl in slutty black clothes with black hair and impossibly long lashes-and a wolf demon who appareared to be glued to her phone.

Vaggie frowned, looking at her more closely. Had they met before? She swore she'd seen that messy hair and studded collar somewh-oh SHIT, she was the girl from Mimzys! The one she had failed to eye fuck on the dance floor!

Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit! Wait, maybe it would be alright, maybe she wouldn't remember her!

Just then the wolf girl glanced up from her phone. When she saw Vaggie, she frowned "Hey, aren't you the girl from-?"

"NO! NOPE! NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE IN MY LIFE!" and then she quickly sat down next to the girl imp and pulled a menu right in front of her face, her cheeks scarlet with embarrassment.

Goddammit. she didn't know how, she didn't know when, but someday she was gonna kill Angel for this!

*

It took a lot of shuffling and mumbled complaints and several curse words, but eventually they found a way to make all seven of the fit around the table. Vaggie still sat next to Millie, Angel next to Vaggie and Molly squeezed between him and Loona. Once they were seated, Millie leaned on the table towards Angel, a star-struck look in her eyes.

"My God, you're really him! Angel Dust, the movie star!"

Angel grinned, gesturing to himself grandly "The one and only, baby!"

Millie giggled, a cute blush gracing her cheeks "Wow! Blitzo never told us that he was friends with a movie star!"

"He didn't?!" Angel said, positively scandelized "Blitzo, how could ya?!"

Blitzo rolled his eyes and Angel leaned a little across the table, wearing his best flirty smile "So, I take it you're a fan, toots?"

Millie giggled again, raising a hand to her mouth "Uh, kinda...I used to watch your movies a lot before I married Moxxie"

"Millie!" Moxxie hissed, tugging her down as plum red tinted his own cheeks. Angel smirked. Ooh, this would be fun!

"Oh yeah? You should try watchin' em _with_ your husband, baby. Lemme tell ya, it really spices up a marriage!"

Millie looked like her face was about to catch fire as she glanced at Moxxie, and the white haired imp was staring at the spider like he'd very much enjoy putting a bullet into his face.

"Excuse me!" he barked, and Angel had to fight off a laugh. Look at the tiny imp, gertin' all worked up "I do not believe that this conversation is appropriate in a place like this! And-and stop flirting with my wife! That's not appropriate _ever!_ "

"Ooh~" Angel purred "Gettin' jealous are we, Mox? Would you rather I flirt with _you?"_ he slid his lower hands over the table and cupped the little imps cheeks, leaning in suggestively towards him. Moxxie babbled in outrage and pushed the offending hands off.

"I! You! GAH!" he threw his hands up in the air hilariously, then he rounded on his boss "Sir, can you please ask your friend to leave?!"

"Sit down and shut-up, Moxxie" was Blitzos lazy reply. Moxxie stared at him, his mouth agape as he tried to force out more words of outrage before Mille took his hand and gently coaxed him to sit back down. Looking down at her, his mouth still open, Moxxie uttered one more wordless sound of rage-"ARGH!-before obliging with a heavy _thump!_

Millie patted her husband's shoulder comfortingly, but when Angel shot her a saucy wink she just couldn't help but smile back.

Angel leaned back in his chair, still chuckling to himself and it was precisely ten seconds to realise that Vaggie was acting weird. Well, weird _er._ She had a menu held up in front of her face but was in no way looking at the food, plus her face was on fire. He stretched out one of his lower hands beneath the table and prodded her leg.

"Hey. What's up with you?"

Vaggie shot him a panicked glare but didn't respond. Unfortunately for her, Loona did:

"She's hiding behind the menu because she doesn't want anyone to know that she totally eye-fucked me at Mimzys the other night."

Angels eyes widened. Holy shit, was it his birthday or something because he'd just been given a fucking _gift!_ "Really?!" He exclaimed delightedly.

The menu hit the table with a slap "WHY?!"

Loona cackled wolfishly and that was all the answer anyone really needed. Vaggie pressed her burning face into her palms "Listen, I'm really sorry! I-its just I was having a bad day, and-"

Loona cut her off with a dismissive noise, already back on her phone "Don't worry about it babe, I get eye-fucked all the time. Next time, just _do_ something about it!"

Vaggie whined pitifully and Angel shook with laughter until Molly sharply elbowed him in the ribs "OW! What?"

Molly rolled her eyes "Jackass"

"Bitch. So, Blitzo!" he leaned an elbow on the table and grinned wickedly at his friend "Whose dick did you suck to get back in here, huh?"

He heard Moxxie groan sufferingly, but Blitzo just laughed "No-ones, _actually,_ they just lifted the ban today. Must've finally realised that the last incident wasnt really my fault"

"What?!" had he misheard? He had to have misheard that kinda bullshit! "It was _totally_ your fault! _You_ were the one who shot that arrow across the room!"

"Hey, why would they have bows and arrows nailed to the walls unless they wanted someone to pry the nails out and shoot it? Besides, _you_ were the one who lit it on fire!"

"How was I supposed ta know you'd shoot it at a waitress?!"

"I DID NOT! I was aiming for the stuck pig, its not my fault she got in the way and caught fire!"

"Oh my God..." Moxxie covered his face with his hands as Molly gaped at her brother.

"Angie, _you_ set that waitress on fire?!"she cried, and Angel threw his hands up.

"Not on purpose! Besides if she didn't wanna get hit she shouldn't'a been walking so close!"

"...You set someone on _fire!"_

"It was an accident!" Angel cried, running a hand through his hair "Besides, she was fine! I doubt she even got a fuckin'...scar..." he trailed off as he noticed someone standing next to Molly. A very, very large someone with a massive, whale like head, flipper arms that somehow bulged with muscle as they fisted at his sides, and a death glare that was directed at Blitzo and Angel. The whale demon was dressed in chefs garb, and at the other end of the table he heard Blitzo breathe out a soft "Oh _shit!"_

The entire table went silent. With a nervous smile, Blitzo waved "Uh, hi M.D! N-nice to see you again...heh...heh..."

The man, M.D, snarled at him, and he pointed one white flipper at Angel and Blitzo in turn "Listen up ya little shits, I don't know why the FUCK my boss decided to let you two fuckers back in here, but choo better mark my fuckin' words when I say that if EITHER OF YOU, set another one of my fuckin' waitresses on fire, imma unleash an unholy Hell on you both so fuckin' hard they won't find what's left of ya until cleanup after fuckin' extermination day! GOT IT?!"

"G-got it!" Blitzo squeaked, and after Angel nodded with a perky thumbs up, the head chef spat on the floor and shuffled away on his jagged fishes tail, grumbling about how his boss was fuckin' insane.

After a very long, very tense silence, Blitzo spoke "You know, it technically wasn't my fault! AND ITS NOT LIKE SHE FUCKING DIED, ANYWAY- _AAH!"_

Blitzo barely ducked in time as a four foot long harpoon shot through the air and drove itself into the wall behind his head with a sharp _twaang!_

Inwardly, Angel groaned. Ah shit, they were gonna get spit on their food...

*

Once their food arrived and Blitzo recovered from swallowing a thumbtack in his pigs tongue, conversation started to flow and Vaggie wished that she was literally anywhere else but here right now. The restaurant was too loud, Blitzo was annoying and although she'd ordered her favourite and it smelled divine, she wasn't hungry. She didn't know what Angel was thinking when he brought her here, this wasn't fun! Especially not when Loona kept rubbing her foot up her leg!

For what felt like the tenth time in five minutes Vaggie jerked away and glared at the wolf "Would you cut that out?!"

Loona didn't respond, firmly fixated on her phone, but Vaggie _knew_ she could see a smirk over there!

At the other end of the table, Moxxie was having about as much fun as the moth demon. After the confrontation with the head chef, Angels sister had become very interested in how Blitzo and Angel met and now his boss was just wrapping up a story that was full of sex, violence and theft. In _excruciating detail!_

"-So, after Angel finally finishes up he runs out to the car with a bunch of these weird ass guns, jumps through the window and screams at me to 'Go go go!' So I fucking go, and before you know it there are a bunch of fucking _eggs_ running after us and shooting my brand new car!"

"Oh my God..." Molly sighed, not sounding in the least bit surprised as her porn star brother sniggered. Porn star. They were actually eating dinner with a porn star. A porn star who had hit on him _in front of his wife!_

Meanwhile, Angel sniggered "Hey, you owed me for that free ride, remember?" he teased.

"EW! Angie!"

"What?"

"I thought you were gonna ask me for a free hit or something!" Blitzo protested " _Not_ for a goddamn getaway patsy!"

"Hey, it was your own fault! Next time ya go to bed with a hooker, make sure ya got the money to pay 'em" Angel smirked.

"Next time, don't be such a slut!" Blitzo argued. Angel grabbed a roll from the bread basket and threw it at the imps face.

"Hey!" Blitzo yelled, scrubbing crumbs out of his eyes "What are you, a five year old?!"

Angel just laughed. Until the same roll hit him squarely in the chest, bouncing off of his fluff like it was a trampoline. The spiders eye darkened, and he wasn't laughing anymore, whereas Blitzo wore a huge smirk on his face.

Moxxie groaned "Oh no..."

"Please don't..." Vaggie pleaded with the spider.

As you can imagine, neither were heeded. Angel reached for the bread basket but Blitzo got there first and pulled the whole thing towards him. Two rolls ended up in his hands, and he smiled evily.

Angel pointed at him "Don't you fuckin' _dare-!"_

But he did dare.

In a blur of black the rolls went flying. The first one smacked Angel squarely on the head and the second one almost took out an eye. Almost, because it didn't have a chance to hit, Angel ducked just in time. The bread roll, however, kept flying, and Blitzos face dropped as he realised where it was headed.

"Uh-oh..."

It had to be said for Mediaeval Times waitresses. They really knew how to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The bread projectile hit the cat-like demoness in the face so hard that she stumbled, tripped over her own feet, and with a cry she went down, dropping the huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs she was holding right on top of another diner. A diner with a skinny frame and a television for a head. 

"Oh shit!" Blitzo sat down as fast as he could and covered his face with a menu as the TV Overlord rose with a roar, his face static with rage as he crushed a bread roll in his hand.

**"WHO THE FUCK THREW THIS?! SHOW YOURSELF, YOU LITTLE SHIT!"**

"Everyone be cool! _Be cool!"_ Blitzo hissed, dipping his head lower to hide his horns. Across the table Vaggie his behind her hair and Molly hunkered her head down. Angel was the only one who didn't seem bothered, shaking with laughter.

**"ILL HAVE THE OWNER SICK HIS PET ON YOU, YOU LITTLE FUCKER! DO YOU KNOW WHO I FUCKING _AM?!"_**

Behind his own menu, Moxxie slapped his hand against his face. Why, why had he agreed to come here?!

*

Once Vox had been placated by the head chef and stormed out without killing anyone Blitzo, eager for the whole bread thing to be forgotten, began to ramble on about his 'Ridiculously successful business' and how he and his employees were the suppliers of an 'Invaluable service', but the only one who seemed to be buying it was the pink spider girl, soaking in everything Blitzo said with wide, fascinated eyes. Angel, however, was unimpressed.

"Bitch, please, invaluable? I want somebody whacked on the surface all I gotta do is find some hotshot Dealmaker and spread 'em! Job done!"

Moxxie groaned "Can you believe this guy?" he mumbled to Millie. At least he _thought_ he did _,_ but apparently the hooker had very sensitive ears. He tilted his head towards Moxxie, arching a carefully sculpted brow.

"Ya got a problem, Mox?"

"It's _Moxxie!"_ he snapped, ignoring the warning hand Millie placed on his shoulder "And I'm sorry, but you'll have to forgive me if I dont enjoy someone talking about their sexual exploits _every five minutes_ in a _public place!"_

Angels head tilted "...You haven't gotten your dick wet in a _while_ , have ya babe?"

 _Babe?!_ Moxxies face blazed as he started to rise but right then Millie's grip on him tightened and she yanked him back down.

"Moxxie! Not here!" she snapped, uncharacteristically firm. Reluctantly, he sat back down and she patted his shoulder soothingly "Besides, its not _that_ bad! Remember when Blitzo got drunk and told us about his night with Stolas?"

Ugh, how could he forget? He and Millie got plenty kinky in the bedroom but hearing about _that_ particular night had given him nightmares for a week! At the mention of Stolas' name Blitzo had gone silent and suddenly became fascinated with the tables woodwork.

Angel, however, had almost spat out his water. "Holy FUCK you fucked Creepy Bird Mouth?! Oh my God, tell me everythin'!"

This time, Blitzo and Moxxie _both_ groaned. 

*

By the time the second course was brought out and a bottle of wine was served, Blitzo had managed to deter Angel from the subject of his humiliating one night stand by turning the conversation to his twin sister:

"SO! My dear Molly, Angel _never_ talks about his twin sister, why don't you tell us everything about yourself? And I mean _everything!_ In _detail!"_

"Oh!" Molly seemed surprised that someone was actually taking an interest in her and cheerfully rose to the occasion "Well, that's probably because Angel here's a little overprotective. He doesn't like people knowing he has people he actually gives a shit about!"

"Tch. Just go ahead and make me sound like a fuckin' pussy, why dontcha?" Angel grumbled, sticking a forkful of puttenasca into his mouth. Molly squeezed his arm affectionately and continued talking.

"Anyway, I dropped in here about four years after Angie did and let me tell ya somethin', Blitzo, it wasn't no picnic!"

Blitzo nodded like he understood, though having been born in Hell he couldn't really relate "I can see that"

"Yeah, it was a shitshow! But after wandering around for a few months Angel found me, brought me to our dad and...well, I guess that's it!" Molly laughed, tucking a loose curl behind her ear "Sorry, I know its not very interesting..."

"Not at all, Molls-do you mind if I call you Molls?-anyone who can give me dirt on that massive slut is interesting enough to me!"

Angels fork paused as Molly's eyes sparkled "Oh! Well then lemme tell you about this time in Jersey when-"

"SHUT-UP, MOLLY!"

Molly giggled, winking as Blitzo laughed and Millie chuckled behind her hand. 

Meanwhile, Vaggie had yet to join in on any of the conversation. She didn't want to be here, she didn't want to hear any dumb Angel stories and she hadn't even touched her dinner, just staring down at it like it wasn't even there. Loona had stopped trying to play footsie with her, thank God, more interested in shovelling roasted goats heart and fries into her mouth as fast as she could.

Sitting here now, all she could think about was how much Charlie would love a place like this. She was trying not to, she really was, but the thoughts kept invading her mind like a knife invaded a Thanksgiving turkey, how much Charlie would love the attention to detail, how she'd ooh and aah over the tapestries, how she'd be bugging the waitresses about their outfits before they'd even ordered...

_Well, maybe she can do that with Alastor now..._

No, stop it. Come on, Vaggie, theyre not even hooking up anymore, she told you this.

_Oh, because she's so trustworthy? How stupid are you?_

Stop it! For Hells sakes, it had been two weeks, why couldn't she just-?

There was a hand on her shoulder. Vaggie tensed, whipping her head to her right and caught large yellow eyes framed by long sharp lashes looking at her with concern. The lady imp, Millie, she reminded herself.

"You okay, sweetie?" she asked softly "You looked awful sad for a second, there"

"Um..." Vaggie wetted her lips, discombobulated by the sudden gesture of kindness, a rare thing in Hell "Y-yeah, I'm fine, thanks" she tried to put on a smile, and though Millie didn't look convinced she seemed to sense that Vaggie didn't want to talk about it. With no offence, she removed her hand.

"You should tuck into that before it gets cold" she said, nodding to Vaggie untouched plate of food "Skinny little thing like you"

Vaggie blinked. Millie's tone was so motherly, she reminded her of her _abuela,_ and to the moth demons surprise she found herself picking up her fork and leaned over her plate, and noticed Millie nod approvingly as she took her first bite. 

Oh, fucking dammit this shit was actually good! Her stomach warmed as it took in the first food it had had in two weeks that wasn't frozen or artificial, and Vaggie tucked in as she realised that she was fucking _starving!_

She finished her meal in ten minutes flat, leaning backwards and rubbing her belly as it rejoiced in the experience of real food. She even found herself smiling a little, feeling a bit better already. Maybe this night out wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Then Blitzo went and fucking ruined it.

"So, Vaggie!" the leader of the IMP declared her name in such a way that it was clear he felt that he was neglecting her from the conversation "Let's hear about you! You work at that weird hotel with Princess Charlie, right?"

And just like that, Vaggies mood dropped like a fucking stone. _Hijo de perra..._

*

After the third course and another bottle of wine was delivered, the chatter turned inexplicably to the Hotel. Or, more accurately, the imps bafflement towards it:

"Wait, wait, wait!" Blitzo said, waving his hands and shaking his head "So you're telling me that this chick thinks that she can get sinners into Heaven...through _therapy?"_

"That's what she says!" Angel shrugged, biting into his Italian dinner and licking the fork.

"Huh, that's...ballsy"

"Eh, the girls know its crazy but it ain't stopping them. They wanna get all us sinners into Heaven one way or another, right Vag?" Angel nudged the little moth demon who took a deep breath and an even deeper drink of wine from her goblet.

"That's what the mission statement says. Heaven for all"

"Phht!" Loona snorted, dropping her plate of recently inhaled food "'Heaven for all?' What a bunch of bullshit, like those winged ass-wipes would even let us sniff their pure fucking shits"

"Loona!" Blitzo admonished "That's very rude!"

"Tch, whatever"

"Well, I think that its a lovely idea!" Millie said, dantily cutting up her liver and lung risotto with a grace fit for court "Our very own princess, actually tryin' to do somethin' good for her people! Did anyone else see that song she did? It was nice"

"Oh yeah?" Moxxie raised an eyebrow, wiping wine from his mouth as he put down his half empty goblet "You think you want to become a patron, Mills? Get redeemed?" he grinned, and Millie laughed like he'd just told the funniest joke in the world.

"Oh _God_ no! Killin' people's way too much fun!"

This time they both laughed, and neither of them noticed when Blitzo subtly grabbed the wine bottle with his tail and sneaked more of fhe red liquid into Moxxies goblet.

He caught Loona looking at him, an eyebrow raised, and winked at his adoptive daughters smirk.

"I think that songs hilarious. I must've listened to it, like, a thousand times and I still fucking laugh" she said, chugging her own goblet and grimacing "Ugh, this wine tastes like shit, who the fuck ordered this?!"

"I did" Blitzo deadpanned, and Loona released a long suffering groan.

"For fucks sake. I'm going to the bar"

"But we haven't even had dessert, yet! LOONIE!" but Loona was long gone. Blitzo sighed, moodily picking up his goblet and sipping.

"...Um, I liked that song, too" Molly brought to the awkward silence "I actually have it as my ringtone!"

"Ooh, shocking!" Angel said sarcastically and Molly stuck her tongue out at him. She then leaned around him, smiling kindly at the very still white haired demoness on his other side.

"Did you help Charlie write it, Vaggie? Or was it one of those improv things?"

Suddenly, Vaggie stood up in a flash of white and grey, her long hair covering her face. 

"I have to go to the bathroom" she said stiffly, and before anyone could react she was fine in a short grey blur.

Those who were still at the table stared after her, surprised by the abrupt departure. Millie leaned towards Angel, pointing in the direction Vaggie had gone "Is she alright?"

"I bet it was the gravy. That shit totally fucks with your bowels" Blitzo commented, adding more wine to Moxxies goblet while he was distracted.

"Shit..." Angel cursed, feeling like a prize moron. All this chatter about the hotel and Charlie, _fuck,_ he'd fucked up. He'd fucked up big time. Alastor was gonna kill him!

He started to get up but Molly placed a hand on his shoulder and stopped him

"I'll go" she said, not unkindly, and was gone before he could say a word.

Once she disappeared, Angel turned back to the table. Jesus, things were getting tense over here far too fuckin' often! Time to release some of the tension. 

"So. Moxxie, Mille" he said with a cute grin "You guys ever have a three way with your boss?"

Moxxie just grabbed his goblet and chugged, his wife's face turned plum coloured and Blitzo spat a mouthful of food all over the table.

Angel snickered. Oh yeah, _much_ better!

*

In the bathroom, Vaggie gripped one of the sinks and breathed as deeply as she could until the urge to scream had passed, then she went into one of the cubicles and grabbed a wad of toilet paper to dab her leaking eye with.

_Goddammit...God fucking dammit..._

It wasn't fucking fair. Angel said that he'd dragged her out here to feel better or something, and yet all anyone had wanted to talk about was Charlie and the hotel. Charlie and her mission, Charlie and her singing, Charlie, Charlie, _Charlie fucking Magne-_

When would it end? When would she stop hearing about her and feeling like someone was ripping her heart out of her chest? When would she be able to see her face without wanting to both scream with rage and burst into tears? When would she stop thinking about her face that day two weeks ago, when Charlie had told her that she would always love her and she hadn't said it back?

The toilet paper tore in her hands, and she crumpled it up and used it to blow her nose before throwing it into the toilet. C'mon, Vaggie, toughen up. You've broken up with enough assholes in the past and its been two weeks already.

She sighed. Fuck, she wasn't able to even lie to _herself_ convincingly. But at least she'd stopped crying. Rubbing the flush out of her cheeks she pushed on the cubicle door and walked back into the bathroom.

Only to see Molly standing there, leaning against the very sink her hands had been gripping moments before.

Vaggie gasped, retreating a couple of steps and almost falling into the toilet "W-what are YOU doing in here?!"

"Going to the bathroom?" she said, even though she was still leaning against the sink and all four of her arms were crossed and she certainly didn't _look_ like she needed a bathroom! At Vaggies 'Are you fucking serious?' expression, the other demoness sighed, and she raised two hands in supplication "OK, OK, I followed you!"

Vaggie glared at her. She'd come here to be _alone!_ "And why did you do that?" she asked coldly.

Molly didn't seem to be bothered "You seemed like you were upset, I thought maybe you'd need someone to talk to"

"Yeah? Well, I don't!" Vaggie snapped, her fingers curling into her palms "So would you please leave me alone?"

"Are you sure? Y'know, sometimes its good to talk about stuff"

Vaggie laughed humorlessly "Gee, thanks Dr Phil!"

Molly hesitated "...who?"

"Oh for..." God, it was like talking to her Abuela. She turned away, fisting her hands through her long white hair and trying to calm the raging inferno that was threatening to explode out of her. For fucks sake, she just wanted to be left _alone-_

"...its your ex isn't it? Charlie?"

Vaggie froze. Several strands of hair came loose as her fingers tightened against her scalp.

"Everyone keeps talking about her, and all you want to do is forget about her. But you're reminded of her wherever you go, aren't you?"

 _Shut the fuck up!_ She wanted to scream it, but her throat was too tight to make the words come out. Her eye burned, and she blinked hard to stop it. She would NOT cry, not again...

Behind her she heard Molly sigh as Vaggie remained silent "Listen doll, for what its worth I know what you're going through. I was with my guy for over a year before we-"

And now, finally, sound did come out. An ugly, scornful, watery laugh that burst out of her like a mole rat clawing its way up through the dirt. She rounded on Molly, hands falling to her sides.

"A year? Is that right?" she spat, and Molly was silent "Yeah, tell me how you feel when you've been in it for _five,_ hon!"

"That's how long you were together? Five years?"

"Yeah! We were! And now we're not because she fucking cheated on me, is _that_ what you wanted to hear?!" Vaggie yelled. The inferno was growing stronger, threatening to blow at any minute, but Molly didn't seem to care that she was in the disaster zone. Her gloves hands tapped restlessly against the porceline sinks, and she was looking at Vaggie with big, pitying eyes.

"That musta been really awful for you. I'm so sorry, Vaggie"

Vaggie laughed again even as the words cut directly into her heart "Don't worry it, Molly. _I_ broke up with _her."_

Molly blinked in surprise, but the moth demoness didn't see it because she had already turned away again, her eye closed and her fists clenched, her back so tense you could've bounced a quater off of it. It was taking everything she had not to break the tiled wall in front of her.

"Did that make it easier?" Molly asked, and now the wall was in some really serious danger. She turned around, her eye flashing with rage.

"No! It fucking didn't! Not that its any of your business!"

"Because you still love her"

"OF COURSE I STILL LOVE HER! WE WERE TOGETHER FOR FIVE FUCKING YEARS!"

And then the dam broke. The most awful, heartbroken, soul wrenching tears she had ever cried in her life burst out of her, the kind that felt like she was crying out her heart, her mind, her _self._ Vaggie cried like someone who had reached the very bottom of despair, and when she felt Molly's soft arms wrap around her she cried harder, her tears soaking into her silky striped shirt and fluffy chest, and the spider held her through it, hands rubbing her back and murmuring soft words of comfort into the top of her head.

When the sobs lessened, turning into soft, miserable hiccups, Vaggie finally pulled away and Molly grasped her by the shoulders, her big pink eyes looking down into Vaggies watery puffy one.

"You're allowed, you know. For as long as you two were together, it would be shocking if a part of you wasn't still in love with her, and that's _okay,_ Vaggie! Its _normal!"_

"I know that!" Vaggie exclaimed, fiercly wiping another tear away from her eye "I-I just...I just don't...I mean, I just don't want to..." she tried to finish, she really did, but every time she tried her throat closed up and more tears threatened to spill. Closing her eye, Vaggie took a deep breath, and she kept breathing until the knot in her throat loosened, and she was finally able to open her eye again "I just don't want to _feel_ like this, anymore! I want it to stop _hurting!"_

And there it was, out in the open. More tears leaked out of her eye and this time she didn't bother to stop them, what was the point? She'd already humiliated herself anyway.

Then soft hands were cupping her face, and Vaggie found her gaze pulled back up. The spider was looking down at her with the greatest compassion that Vaggie had ever seen on a demon before, her face as soft and open as her hands.

"It will. Eventually"

Vaggie scoffed, pulling out of the gentle grip and wiling her eye once again "Yeah? When?"

With a sigh, Molly shrugged "I don't really know. I think its different for everybody"

_"Greeeat"_

"But I do know one thing" Molly added, and suddenly her lips were curving in a small smile that was freakishly similar to her brothers. Vaggie raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah? What?"

"That you can't start feeling better if you stay locked in your room all the time eating ice cream and watching crappy romance movies"

Vaggie eye blew wide "H-how the Hell did you know-?"

"Been there" Molly said. And then she held one hand out to her "Now c'mon, I'm taking you to the bar."

Vaggie didn't take the hand, bit she did step forward "The bar? Why?"

"Because there's only one other thing that I know about heartbreak, toots" she said, and when she grinned Vaggie _swore_ that it was actually Angel Dust in front of her "and its that liquor, solves _everythin'!"_

Vaggie stared at her "...Holy shit, you really are his sister, aren't you?"

Molly let out a high pitched giggle "You know it, baby!"

*

"BWAHAHAHAHAHA _HAAAA!"_

Angel laughed so hard he thought that his Sex on the Beach was gonna come flying out of his nose, one of his fists pounding on the table. On his right Blitzo was also howling, wiping tears from his eyes and almost hyperventilating with the effort to continue his story.

"An'-an' then, _right_ after I've landed literally _in the cake,_ in literally nothing but my coat and a book I fucking _stole from her house,_ I look up at this chick. She's got frosting all over her face, is lookin' at me like I'm a fucking rat that jus' crawled out of the sewer, and the first fucking words outta my mouth are: 'Sorry, I fucked your husband!'"

" _Oh my GOD!"_ Angel almost screamed with laughter, slapping a hand over his forehead and cackling so hard his fluffy tits almost popped right out of his coat "You-you fuckin' _whore!"_

"I know!" Blitzo howled, his forehead pressed into the table alongside his many, many empty shot glasses as he laughed. Then, after a very long time the imp raised his head, a wide drunken grin on his face "I...I wanna 'nother drink. I'm thiiiiirsty..." 

Angel was still giggling when Blitzo staggered to his feet and tottered down the walkway, waving his arms dramatically every time he nearly fell over. Angel tilted his head back against his chair, smiling widely and admiring the way the firelight flickered against the wall.

"Oh Millie..."

Oooh, Angel knew that sound. Rolling his head he looked over to his left and saw the other two imps, Moxxie and Millie, sitting very closely together. Moxxie had his head in Millie's lap and a big dumb smile on his face as she ran her hands through his hair. Both of their cheeks were flushed and every five minutes Millie giggled. Angel rolled his head towards the table and, _yep!_ The second bottle of wine was completely gone, and as far as he knew, everyone had been guzzling bar sinks for the past half hour.

Everyone, it seemed, except for Moxxie and Millie. Angel chuckled, watching the pair, and when Millie caught his eye he didn't look away.

Neither did she. For a second he thought the little imp was going to yell at him but she didn't. In fact, she didn't look mad at all. Her eyes turned a darker yellow, almost gold, and as one of her hands combed gently through her husbands hair the other one stroked his chest, the little red hand slowly moving down his body, over his chest, his stomach until it reached the hem of his pants. Angel swallowed, feeling a familiar tingle in the base of his spine. Well, this was interesting...

And it only got even more interesting when Millie, still keeping her eyes on the porn star, trailed her hand down further and slipped the tips of her fingers and thumb into Moxxies waistband. Gently she pulled it down, ever so slightly, exposing Moxxies smooth red skin and giving Angel a teasing glimpse of his fine black and white happy trail.

Heat coiled in Angels abdomen and when he looked up at Millie he saw that the little imp was smiling, ever so slightly. Angel grinned back, excitement building in his chest. And here he'd thought that she was just another innocent little bubblehead!

Just then Moxxie sighed, breaking the trance and completely oblivious to the ulterior motives behind his wife's touch. He smiled up at her happily, enjoying her hand on his skin.

"Millie..." he sighed deleriously "You are so beautiful, I love you sooooooo much...will you be my wife?" 

Millie outright giggled for a long time, raising the hand in Moxxies hair to her mouth as her cheeks flushed harder "Sweet-sweetie, I'm already your wife!"

Moxxies eyes went wide "You're MY wife?! HELL YES, I HIT THE FUCKING JACKPOT!"

Then he grabbed her with both arms and pulled her down for an enthusiastic kiss, moaning like she'd made him the happiest imp alive all over again.

Until he heard Angel snickering beside them. Moxxie broke away from the kiss and sat up, glaring shakily at the porn star.

"Wha-whats sho funny?" he growled, slurring his words but Angel had to give him points for trying. 

"Funny? Nothin's funny, baby. You're just too damn sexy when you're wasted..." he purred. Then, just because Millie was giving him that _look_ behind her husbands shoulder, he reached out and trailed a couple of fingers over Moxxies knee.

The imp flushed and immediately batted his hand away, scandelised "H-how dare you! My wife is right here!"

"Yeah, I can see her" Angel responded, winking at said wife "But, between you and me, honey, I don't think that she minds..."

Moxxie frowned, then turned his gaze back towards his wife. His eyes went wide.

Millie's eyes were practically honey-yellow with arousal, her full lips parted in a light, devilish smile that he knew all to well. The hands that were on his waist travelled to his shoulders and squeezed him tight, and for a fraction of a second he swore he saw her gaze flick over to the spider in the kinky boots, and her pupils dialated.

"M-Millie you want..." Angel watched as Moxxies hammered mind tried to make sense of it "Y-You actually wanna..."

"Yes..." Millie whispered sensually in his pointed ear as she dragged her lips across the sensitive flesh, making him twitch "Whaddya think, baby?"

Moxxie swallowed audiably, and Angel chose then to make his move.

Leaning forward, he placed an inquisitive hand on Moxxies thigh, and when the nervous imp snapped his head towards him he found the spidery porn star much, _much_ closer to him than before, his eyes dark with sinful promise, his lips close enough for Moxxie to feel his cocktail sweetened breath.

"So, whaddya say, Mox?" he brushed his lips chastely against the imps, giving him a small taste "Wanna have some fun?"

Moxxies breathing hitched.

*

Over at the bar, where Loona was shamelessly making out with the mosquito host while draining a bottle of WKD at the same time, Vaggie was onto her sixth Multiberry Margarita and having a whale of a time.

"LOVE IS DEAD!" the moth demon cried for anyone who cared "THE RADIO DEMON KILLED IT, BUT THATS OKAAAAAYYY!" she sat down and chugged the rest of her sixth drink, whereafter she giggled incessently for the next ten minutes.

"Oh dear..." Molly sighed as Vaggie carried herself off to Blackout Town. Maybe getting her wasted hadn't been such a good idea after all...

"Fuck, these-these drinks are f-fuckin' awesome!" Vaggie slurred as she started in on her seventh cocktail. She frowned at her companion "Molly why aren't you drinkin'?"

"I think _one_ of us has gotta stay sober here, honey" Molly replied, and Vaggie blew a raspberry.

"Screw that, that's booooring! Ya get drunk, ya forget all your-your problems, Moll!"

Oh, if only. Sipping her drink through a straw (after nearly poking her only remaining eye out five damn times) Vaggie began looking at the she-spider intently "Y'know...you're not much like other demons, are ya?"

"Probably because I'm not a demon, babe" Molly said, but Vaggie didn't seem to hear her, too busy staring at her face.

"You know...you're _much_ prettier than your brother..."

Oh God "OK, I think its time we take you home, babe!"

"Awww!" Vaggie pouted and Molly looked around for her brother and silently hoped that he wasn't too hammered to-Oh, God dammit!

Across the bar, Loona took notice of something that made her shove off the mosquito host and brayed with wolfish laughter as she pointed at their previous table.

"HOLY _SHIT!_ GET IN THERE, MOX!"

And Moxxie was indeed 'Getting in there'. One hand clung to Angels blazer, kissing him hungrily as the spider ran his hands through his hair. Behind them, Millie kissed her hubands neck, Moxxies hand stroking the feminine red arm that was between his legs and-

Oooookay, _clearly_ Angel would not be helping her out here! She turned back to Vaggie, but the moth demon had disappeared. However, just as she was about to panic she saw the mosquito guy crash to the ground, and realised that the sharp heeled boot that had kicked him off was very, very familiar.

"YEEEEAH! FUCK THE PATRIARCHY! ALL MEN CAN GO TO HELL!" Vaggie screamed, standing on the bar and her arms fisted above her head in victory. Loona cackled as her make out partner went flying and stumbled her way onto the bar to give Vaggie a high five.

Molly sighed and stood up to grab wrapping the wasted demoness "O.k, feminazi, let's getcha home!

Vaggie giggled as she was hoisted down "Gettin' taken home by a-by a pretty girl? Charlie used to do that" then, to the spiders horror, her face crumpled and she burst into tears _"CHAAAAAARLIEEEE!"_

Once again, Molly sighed.

* 

Blitzo applauded as his talented daughter sang and danced on the bar, avoiding the grabs from pissed off bartender so _effortlessly_ it was like watching ballet! 

"Be careful not to kick over too many drunks, Looooonie~" he called affectionately as another one face planted the ground.

"DUDE! GET YER FUCKIN' HELL HOUND!"

"SHUT UP, SHE'S EXPRESSING HERSELF!"

"Hey, Blitzooooo~" came the voice of a hammered New Yorker and Blitzo rolled his eyes as he turned around.

"The 'O' is fuckin' silent, Angel!"

The spider demon snorted "Whatever. I'm gonna head out, you see Vags anywhere?"

Vags? The fuck was Va-Oh, right! The grey girl with the runs! "I think-I think-I think your shishter took her home!" he tried to say, but he wasn't sure if his lips were moving.

Angel snickered "Buddy, you are so wasted"

Blitzos mouth dropped open in offence "So-so are you!" he cried, and it was true, too! Why else would his cheeks be so flushed and his body be swaying and his face be so goddamn blurry?!

Angel chuckled again and patted him on the shoulder "Take care of yourself, buddy. Don't do anythin' I wouldn't do!"

"Or anything ya _would do!"_ Blitzo called after him but the spider was already gone, and truly he must have been completely black out wasted because for one crazy second he thought he saw Moxxie and Millie take his arms and go with him! 

Blitzo picked up his glass, sniffing the liquid inside cautiously. Christ on a stick, what was in this booze?!

*

Finally the party ended. The good news was that Charlie didn't even seem to notice that everyone was wasted when she got here. The bad news was guess who got stuck with clean-up duty? Husk grumbled to himself as he drew a rag over the spills on the counter. Was that some of Crymini's fucking fur? Jesus Christ, where the fuck was Niffty when you needed her?

Just as he was about to pull out a broom for the shattered glass and _a pair of fucking panties, DAMMIT CRYMINI!_ The hotel doors swung open and Angel walked in with a giggly Vaggie wrapped around his torso.

Oh, fucking hell, what had the idiot fuckin' hooker done now? And why the fuck was he wearing a big ass pink wig?

Then Angel looked up, and he realised that it wasn't Angel.

"Oh! Hi there, could you please gimme a hand?" the girl-because she was definitely a girl, there was no mistaking the voice-asked him. _Politely._ Yeah, this sure as shit wasn't Angel Dust.

The girl, whoever she was, huffed as she struggled to keep ahold of the little demoness "Please! She's slipping!"

And that was the exact moment Vaggie decided to throw out her arms and launch herself backwards, her long white hair almost touching the floor "I'm _flyyyyyiiiinnnngggg!"_

"Shit" Husk cursed as the girls knees buckled, all four of her arms clamping around Vaggie as she did her best to flap her arms. He got there just in time to catch her before she tumbled to the ground and hefted her so that he was carrying her bridal style.

Vaggie giggled again and reaches her hands up to play with his furry cheeks "Ooh, soft..." 

OK, seriously, what the fuck was everyone's obsession with his fur?

"Thankyou!" the girl said, smiling sweetly "Believe it or not, she was worse in the car. She kept trying to get out of the window to tell some Jack guy she was flying!"

Husk blinked. Vaggie? Seriously? "Guess Angel got her pretty wasted, huh?"

"Uuuuum...yeah! Yeah, he did! Jackass!" the girl chuckled nervously, playing with a strand of her bouncy hair. Husk narrowed his eyes.

"So who the hell are you? Ya look like Angel, but you 'ain't Angel, and I know that boozer here left with Angel"

"Oh! Right, I'm Molly, his twin sister" she explained, and fuck if that didn't take the bartender by surprise. Angel had a _sister?!_ "He invited me out with them tonight but he got a...uh...work thing, so I figured I'd bring her home" she nodded to the smaller demoness, who was now trying to braid Husks chin fur. He jerked his head away and she whined, but he was still watching Molly.

"Nice of ya..." he said, suspicion creeping into his voice. She didn't seem like a letch but this was hell, no-one was as nice as they appeared. 

Well, except for maybe Charlie. He jostled Vaggie and the girl groaned, the booze finally taking its toll "Well, I'd better get her to her room" he started to turn, wondering if the girl-Molly, whatever-would try and stop him, maybe offer to do it herself.

But she did none of that. Instead she nodded, a look of relief on her doll-like face "Thankyou _so_ much! I'm sorry if I interrupted you...uh..." she bit her lip, embarrassed "I'm sorry, I didn't getcha name!"

"Husk" Husk responded bluntly "And don't worry about it. Not my first time dragging somebody's drunk ass home" granted, the last time had been an idiot Radio Demon who thought he could drink Vox under the table, but still.

Molly smiled "Thanks babe!" she trilled, and to Husks complete surprise she darted forward and planted a quick kiss on his cheek!

"Hey!"

Molly giggled and darted out of the hotel. The place where she had kissed him burned and Husk growled. Fuckin' spiders...

In his arms, Vaggie sighed "I like Molly. She's soooo niiiiice..."

Husk grunted "Whatever kid, just try not to throw up on m-"

"BLUERGH!"

"OH, FOR- _ARE YOU SHITTIN' ME?!_ "

*

_Booze rained down from the mutilated bar, a wide table fixed firmly between the shelves and cracking through the bar. He could hear Loona snarling, could see the bartender holding a sniper rifle, and behind him he could hear Head Chef M.D screaming:_

_"I FUCKIN' WARNED YOU, MOTHER-FUCKER! THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU FUCK WITH MY FUCKIN' RESTAURANT! **RELEASE THE KRAKEN!"**_

_An unholy roar from the third circle of Hell shook the stone walls of the restaurant, and as dozens of long, thick, deadly tentacles slid down from the ceiling Blitzo jumped down from the bar._

_"RUN, LOONIE RUN! WE FUCKED UP AGAIN!!!"_

Blitzo woke up with a cry to a hangover from the Ninth Circle and his phone screaming like a harpy.

"Uuuuuggghhh...fuuuck..." he groaned. Was he dead? He wanted to be dead. Jesus, what even _happened_ last night?!

His phone screamed again and with a self-pitying cry he rolled over to get it, if only to get it to shut the fuck up. Tapping it with a claw (his gloves were off, for some reason) he winced at the bright light of his screen and saw that he had a shit ton of messages, all from the same unrecognised number. His eyes had been squinted when he looked st them, but by the time he was done, they were as wide as a hookers asshole:

**Dear Mr Blitzo, on behalf of the Medieval Times Restaurant and Bar I am herby informing you that IF YOU OR YOUR FUCKING HELLHOUND EVER COME INTO OUR FUCKING PLACE AGAIN IM GONNA CUT YOU BOTH UP INTO FUCKING FISH BITES AND FEED YOU TO OUR FUCKING KRAKEN!**

Uh-oh.

**Dear Mr Blitzo just to inform you that you owe us £9,000 in damages because YOUR FUCKING HELLHOUND THREW A FUCKING TABLE AT OUR FUCKING BARTENDER AND BROKE ALL THE BOTTLES OF BOOZE!**

Oh shit, so it hadn't been a dream. Blitzo dropped his phone and threw his bare arm over his face, cursing in the morning light. Jesus H Christ, could this get any worse?!

Then, a familiar arm slid around his torso "Hoo~ good morning, Blitzy~"

"Oh SHIT!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 up soon!

**Author's Note:**

> Just for the record I loved Titanic and have nothing against Leo DiCaprio. Now, who wants to see a Moxxie/Millie/Angel three way? Stay tuned, sinners!


End file.
